LOL... is this cute or what? 

Found this bumper sticker at Brooks Applications...

Music Keeps Playing Inside My Head

I came across this quote this morning, and I was surprised I'd never seen it before... it's something I've always been "aware" of, but never seen it said quite so eloquently...

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music" -- Aldous Huxley

I suggest to you all... that if you try very hard... and if you're blessed enough to connect with one single soul on this level in a lifetime... connect in truth and honesty and faith and respect and trust and in love... this life can be a symphony...

MY little one

A favorite image... downloaded from Surelock, but found on several other sites as well... if anyone knows the high quality image source, I would sure like to know... to find it in higher quality and to give them credit...

Trouble Again

Well, I guess I've done it again. *sighs* In trouble again and posting what I did and what my consequences are is part of my punishment.

My roommate and I went out to dinner the other night and Guy told me I could have one drink. Well, being the brat I am I suppose, I just couldn't stop at one. I stopped at two though, but he just didn't seem to think that was too noteworthy. On top of that it was late when we got back and he asked me if I had just one drink. I said "mm hmm". I know it was stupid, but I had my reasons, which weren't nearly good enough to keep my ass outta hot water. I was gonna tell him first thing the next morning but the morning got a little wild right off and there wasn't time, so I didn't tell him then either.

The reason I didn't tell him that night was because it was so late and I knew I would have to go bed with things unresolved. I HATE that. It just kills me. Yeah, not telling him killed me too. I ended up telling him last evening on the phone and yep, you guessed it... it didn't go well. He's upset, needless to say. He has every reason to be. I never intended it to be a lie when I didn't tell him that night. I honestly didn't tell him for the reason I said. I wanted to have time to talk it out, not just tell him, him get upset and send me to bed because it was bedtime. He VERY rarely strays from my strict 10 PM bedtime, which I utterly HATE. No matter what's going on... 10:00... BEDTIME. *shaking my head*

So on top of the spanking I have coming for this, I am grounded from practically everything but breathing I think... I can't have any drinks until further notice... not even allowed to ask, and I'm not allowed to go out except for errands I have to do. Sucks to be me. Sucks to be in trouble. Sucks trying to stay outta trouble. Woe is me. *slight grin* So why don't I just stay outta trouble then, right? I'll be darned if I know. Must be that brat thing I got goin on. Ya think? *sighs*

I want to say thank you to searabbit for being so kind as to make this beautiful pic for my profile. She is one talented lady, not to mention so very generous. Thanks again, searabbit. :)

OK

Ok... this is the color MY little one's behind is gonna be when I get my hands on her... she'll tell you all about it tomorrow...

(growling) 

OK... this is what Guy is gonna look like after I cast a spell on him! *growlin at him this morning* Or maybe this is me this morning feeling rather "witchy"!! 

In My Email This Morning... TOO Funny!!

Just HAD to share this little funny...

FOUR ANIMALS

You gotta love this little girl. What a woman she'll make!

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says." The teacher asked, "Really, and what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it." The teacher fainted.

Can we dig a hole deep enough?? *grin* 

Oh yeah, been there, done that!!!! 

Can you relate?? *grin* 

Yeah, this is MY way of thinking. LOL 

Just had to laugh when this showed up in my mailbox. Some have probably already seen it, but I just had to share. LOL 

Where To Begin? (Probably a two part account)

Wow, I'm not sure I know where to start. I hate when that happens. I haven't even been home 24 hours yet. So much to do... like catching up on my reading... blog reading that is. *grin* All of you that are my regular reads have just been up to way too much while I was away. I sat here this morning pondering whether I post right away or catch up on some reading. Guess which won... yep, the reading... you shouldn't be surprised, I'm a blog addict now. *giggle* Even so, I haven't done them all justice yet. I basically scanned all of them... hell, scanning even took a couple hours... 2 1/2 hours to be exact. Y'all are just too good. Incase ya don't know who you are... allow me to enlighten you... *pointing all of you to the sidebar* see those links over there? That's you. For the newcomers to our little site here... You MUST... I repeat MUST check them all out. They are well worth your time... LOTS of your time... Trust me on this!!! Go on, click on 'em. Don't be shy. I promise you, You won't regret it.

Anyway, on with the show...

Let's see, I left Wednesday morning, headed into a cold, rainy, yucky mess. Little did I know that it would be this way the whole time I was there. *grumbling* It was sunny and actually hot until I got there and I think I brought that crap back home with me yesterday. Well, not the bitter cold. I even came through snow on the way back yesterday. I know it's almost November, but that is just soooooooo not right in my world...lol. I abhor the cold and dreariness. *wonderin if abhor is a strong enough word here*

First I'll start out with the update on my dear friend and my Godchildren. My Godson and his Mother are doing rather well right now. Just lots of surgeries and physical therapy and "emotional" therapy ahead of them. *sighs* I say "just" in the previous sentence because my Goddaughter doesn't appear to be so lucky thus far. It's breaking my heart. She's still not talking. Her eyes don't follow you anywhere. Her Mother won't quit blaming herself even though I think she truly knows that it was nowhere NEAR her fault. She keeps saying to her husband, "If I hadn't been running only a couple minutes behind, we wouldn't be here right now." *deep sighs* She knows better dammit. The hospital social worker found a woman for her to talk to that has been in her present situation. Only this poor Mother didn't even come out as good as my friend. This poor lady lost her daughter in the accident and what's worse is that the accident was her fault. I'm hoping and praying that she can help my friend get past her erroneous thinking. I talked to the husband/father of them several times while I was away. Him and I are very close as well. He is a broken man right now. He has such a HUGE support group though, for which I am so grateful. Where would we be without our friends and family... our support group?

My Mother had her surgery. She came through it well and seems to have had positive results thus far. Call me VERY thankful and happy for that!! My Mother is a VERY strong lady... not to mention VERY independent and stubborn. My Dad was very much the same way. Hmmm, I wonder where I get it from? It's a damn good thing she is as strong as she is. She's had to go through a lot since my Dad's death. We all have. I worry about her so though... being so far away. It's funny how the roles reverse as we get older... as a child, they worry about us... then, the children, as adults worry about them. Eventually, for some of the children, they become the "parents"... the parents of their parents I mean. If it comes to that, that's what we're here for... to be to them, what they were to us. I honored my Father that way, and I will honor my Mother in the exact same way. God rest my Father's soul and God bless my Mother, the wonderful woman she is.

OK, on to the spanky side of things now. I received two much needed spankings over the last few days. However, neither one of them were what you'd call "punsishment spankings". God love him, (and ME TOO...lol) Guy knew exactly what I needed both times. I know that doesn't happen all the time. There's no way that we can possibly read our spouses/mates each and every time... but damn, he did a hell of a job this time... and for that I THANK him and admire him tremendously. He really is so finely tuned into me... my facial expressions, my body language, my words, or lack thereof in some cases. It's so wonderful to be that close to your spouse/mate/ partner. It's an awesome feeling.

Wenesday I got the spanking I "needed"... An "I love you, I'm going to take care of you, be there forever for you, just because I love you, just because you need this, just because deep down inside you want this, just because I want to spank you, just because I need to spank you, just because this is what works between us, just because you really need to unwind" type spanking. Yep, that's what I needed. I didn't need to be punished, although I still have that coming. *sighs* And of course, I need that too, when the time is right. He'll know when that time is right, he always does... better than I do. Yeah, he knew exactly what I needed. I needed to be spanked, made slow, gentle love to, to be fucked hard and fast even, to be taken... to be reminded that I'm HIS. *nodding my head* Yeah, I need to be reminded of that from time to time. Sometimes gently and sometimes not so gently at all. He understands this so well. He understands me in all my ways and I love him SO. He accepts me for who I am, faults and strengths combined, he loves all facets of me. I really am a lucky girl. I know it and I try not to take it for granted.

Wednesday the spanking was perfect. I remarked after the spanking that day as I sat down, that my bottom wasn't all that sore. I was wrong. The next day it hit me, when the shower spray hit my bottom. Ouchie!! Ouchie!! Yummy!! Yummy!! Oh how I reveled in it... the afterglow so to speak. Isn't it awesome!?

He started out kissing me deeply, passionately right away. *groan* Godddd how I love his kisses! He fell back on the bed pulling me with him, right on top of him and our vigorous kissing continued. After several minutes of this he stood me up and immediately stripped me, then himself. His hands roamed my body slowly at first which turned to intense ardor rather quickly. When his hands made it between my legs I was already soaking wet. I wanted him so badly. I think he wanted me to. So said his rigid manhood. *giggle* He took my hand and guided it to his cock and told me to hold on tight as he bent me over and started spanking in earnest immediately. Can you say YUM? I CAN!! As he spanked me I squeezed and stroked his cock just as earnestly.

He then sat down on the side of the bed and took me over his knee. I could feel his cock throbbing underneath me. He spanked some then stroked my throbbing, wet love nest. He continued this for a little while before roughly pushing me off his knee on to the bed. (Forgive me hon, if I don't get the order of things just so. You know I don't have a keen mind when I'm in the state of mind I was in at that time. I wonder if anyone else has that same problem? It's frustrating, ya know.) He roughly flipped me over on my back and started licking and sucking and kissing my aching pussy. Bringing me to my climax numerous times. *groan* With that said and done he grabbed my hips and forced my feet to the floor. He bent me over at the waist with my hands on the bed. I felt the head of his cock at the opening of my pussy. What was a gentle entry from behind quickly turned into rapid, passionate thrusting then back to languid gliding in and out. Every once in awhile he would land several sharp smacks to either side of my bottom cheeks. As each smack landed on my warm, begging backside he would thrust deep inside me. This continued on for quite sometime resulting in several, small at times, then rather intense orgasms.

Towards the end, as he was fucking me, taking me... he leaned into me, making me fall onto the bed, him following, his body pressed against mine... his hands on the bed on either side of my body, fucking me. GODDDDD I love this... to feel his power over me. In that position there's no denying that you're being taken. I heard his guttural groans and felt his cock getting harder, filling my pussy even more as his orgasm approached. He filled me full of his love, desire and passion. I truly knew that I was HIS!!

To be continued later today or tomorrow even. *sighs* I have to get busy here with errands and appointments and picking up the pieces and such. *sighs again*

Home Again

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!! Or as the Toadsucker said ... errr Guy I mean... the BRAT is baaaaaaaack and in full swing and wound as ever. *shakin my head*

I’ll try to update tomorrow sometime. He’s making me go to bed in a minute. *growlin* Hope everyone was well while I was gone. It’s been a long six days, yet in some ways it went way too fast.

I have lots of blog reading to catch up on and he won’t even lemme start. Sucks to be me... lol. Not really!

On a Mountain Dew and Prayer

The brat is home safe folks... 400 miles on a Mountain Dew and MY prayers... bouncin off the walls... pickin up the pieces, and in for a blistering she won't forget if she doesn't settle down and get some rest tonight...

She'll be posting soon enough... I'm just thankful she's alright...

Roller Coaster Lives

My little one and I lead "roller coaster lives"... you know... lots of ups and downs and twists and turns... wondering what might be lurking around the bend and even some thrills and spills perhaps. It's hard to make plans because there are so many "others" we care about and care for. But maybe what makes a good roller coaster and a good life for that matter, is the unpredictability. It keeps us on our toes. Now there's a remarkable roller coaster at a historic park in Southwestern Pennsylvania. The coaster's called "The Racer"... two coaster tracks side by side... the cars "race" each other with every ride... perhaps even more remarkable that it was built a hundred years ago in 1906 and survives to this day... I wonder if the designer knew the commentary he was making on "modern" life...

If you didn't get it from reading our blog, MY little one and I live miles and miles apart. We talk every day throughout the day and we spend a good deal of time together on line too. We've gone months without touching (not lately) and yet we grow closer every day. These past few days have given us the wonder and the joy of being together, and we made love (lord did we ever) and she got spanked and we made love and she got spanked some more... (whispering... and we made love some more)...

MY little one will be on the road again soon, and she'll tell the tale from her side, more eloquently than I no doubt... things here and there are going as well as can be expected and only one thing's certain...

The roller coaster ride's far from over; unpredictable turns to be sure... a racer perhaps... but in truth I tell you, the only peace is in each others arms, and I am the most patient and loving man heaven ever made (knowing I was made for you)...

For always MY beloved... MY beloved little one...

I am your Guy !

On The Road Update

I wanted to let folks know what's going on while MY little one is on the road helping family. On the trip yesterday she got a little "reminder toy" (or two), and real good spanking that was so overdue she reluctantly remarked she "felt like a new person". You should have seen how wound up she'd gotten herself, and how the trip over my knee calmed her down. (sayin a prayer that it lasts).

Now she's still due for some punishment that's well deserved. It could well be soon and part of it will be to tell her "side" of it. In the meantime, all's going as well as can be expected, and I'll update again soon on developments.

As I reflect on something like "panties in a bunch" as opposed to "tinsel in a tangle", please enjoy the picture of her "reminder" toy.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Do a google search on that one and you'll get 80+ million hits. Now if folks aren't asking... haven't been asking that question since the dawn of awareness, my name isn't G-U-Y...

Now MY little one and I are Christian, and many look to their faith for the answer. MY little one will tell you that I'm not judgemental. But some blame God, and some more hedonisic folks just ignore the question in favor of immediate bratification (did I say that)... that was a Freudian typo... I meant gratification (wicked grins)...

But seriously now... and I won't drag this out... There are two statements that sum it up best, neither of which are faith focused...

Helen Keller said... "Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."

And someone said (I don't know who) that... "Given an infinite universe and the question, what might happen... the answer is inevitably... anything."

I submit that "good people" are out there roaming the universe... taking risks... interacting HARD with life and making good things happen... they're being faithful to their "worthy purpose", so it's inevitable that they encounter people and things that are not so good... it's highly probable they will suffer at some point in their lives... it's damn certain their mortal bodies will wind up dust.

And yet, their lives are a testimony to goodness and our sense of goodness... and their legacy is all the more motivation for WE to follow faithfully in their hard won footsteps.

As for me... My "worthy purpose" is MY little one... (celebrating my good fortune and my blessings)...

Hey little girl (swattin your behind)... I AM YOUR GUY !!

Some news

I received the phone call late last night that I'd been waiting for. My Goddaughter's Daddy called and said she's out of the coma. *thankful sighs* However, they're not sure as to the extent of brain damage yet. I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind right out of me. I'm so thankful she's awake but damn, brain damage! The question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" rings true here. This girl has it all. A wonderful life and wonderful parents. At 14 years old I've never seen a teenager have it all together like this one. Plays every sport there is, in every club that she could be in, straight A student and has a huge heart. I can't imagine her any other way. She's SO vibrant. I just don't understand. What's the reason for this? For this family to suffer like this? They've never hurt a soul in their life.

It seems my Godson is doing better than his sister. He seems to have recovered a great deal from his stroke. They think he'll end up just fine in that area... with lots of time of course. He had surgery on his leg yesterday and seems to have weathered that well. He'll have to have several more surgeries on it. He won't play football again which will be a huge devastation to him but he's wiser than his years so he will adapt I'm sure. Him and his sister will help each other through this time in their young lives. They're very close. The whole family is. They'll be OK emotionally... of that I'm certain.

Their Mother is doing pretty well now. She had surgery on her arm yesterday. They don't think she'll ever have full use of it again. They haven't touched her leg yet, which is going to be a real mess. She's finally stable enough for the surgeries so I'm sure that will be starting soon.

I know I should be, and AM thankful they're still here with us but I seem to be focusing on the dimmer side of things here. I'm still angrier than I thought I was. Of course finding out last night that the guy who ran them over tested positive for pot and had been two days without sleep doesn't help any. Where's the justice in that going to be?

I'm trying hard to focus on the good and I know I'll be able to soon. The other news just has to sink in first I think. I really am thankful they're still here. I still need to be there. I still want to be there... and I still can't be.

Please keep them all in your prayers. I would appreciate it very much... as would they.

I will be out of town starting tomorrow morning for several days tending to family matters and doubtful I will have internet access... so blog on folks... I want lots to read when I get back.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

Updates and Such

It was such a long, long weekend here. I’ve been waiting, not so patiently, on news about my “family” that was in the accident. My Godson doesn’t have use of his left side. *sigh* My Goddaughter did open her eyes briefly at one point Saturday but the doctors said it didn’t necessarily mean anything. The news... any news is way too slow coming in. I still need to be there, but can’t and I don’t know how I’m supposed to make that OK in my head. My mother is having surgery this week and I have to be there for her. I’ve always said there needs to be more than one of me. Gawwwwd, how I wish that was possible sometimes.

I’ve let things wind me up way too much since this past Wednesday. What can I say? It’s what I do... and I do it so well too. *shaking my head* I’ve pretty much let it interfere with my progress of cutting back on smoking. Saturday I had 23... way bad. Guy and I worked on the computer that I got my son the first of September until late Saturday night.... and of course I let it drive me nuts. I hate when that happens! He wasn’t a bit pleased either. We had a long discussion about it this yesterday morning before tearing back into the computer. We both talked and we both listened. It went well I think. However, it did have the potential to go bad REAL quick, but him being the fair and understanding (I don’t always say that, trust me) person he is, he listened to how I felt about it. Before he did calm down about it though, he did implement a new smoking regimen. Thankfully he changed his mind after hearing that I was still determined to stay on the path we were on before things fell apart Wednesday. He allowed me 16 yesterday. I thought that was fair, so I was determined to do it. And guess what... I DID do it. I only had 12. I’m so proud of myself and Guy is just beaming. To show you just how understanding and fair he is... if I can manage to stay out of trouble... for each cigarette that I stay under my limit, he’s gonna subtract from my “uh oh” factor. Wow, guess he’s right, consequences don’t always have to be bad. I just love that man to death.

On the computer geeking note... windows update wouldn’t update on a brand new computer. *growls* The BITS service was all screwed up. I think we can thank uninstalling Norton Antivirus for that.... the insidious piece of work they are anymore. Thanks to Guy though we got that fixed early yesterday afternoon.

On the spanking note... I have one devil of a spanking coming when time and circumstances permit. I’m still not real sure if I’m gonna get paddled for the “uh oh” factor of going over my limit on cigarettes. Something tells me I am though. I think it’s really gonna be a major stress relief spanking with several thrown in there for several different things that I’ve done. Drinking without permission to be one of them and for not listening to him when he tries to keep me from getting so worked up over things. In all honesty, I just NEED one hell of a spanking. I need it for me, and I need it for WE. After all, it is all about the WE in this thing we do. He needs to spank me just as much as I need him to spank me. That’s the beauty of this thing we do, now isn’t it? I also need to be reminded that I’m “his”, in that special way that only he can remind me. He keeps me focused. He knows when I need to be redirected and he knows just how to do it.

Last night a friend of mine and her husband dropped by. Our little group of friends decided to send my Godchildren and their Mother a card signed from all of us and each one of them a “get well bear” signed by us. Our little circle of friends has been hit hard by this. My normally bratty friend that’s always trying to get me in trouble when we’re even remotely close to each other was quite subdued during her visit last night. I think this might have had a little to do with a spanking as well as the other stuff. Her husband was out of town when the news came in and she just totally lost it. She called me in a total state of shock, ready to hop the next plane out. Luckily, another friend and her husband in our group we’re able to go get her and see to that she didn’t do anything stupid until her husband got back home. It wasn’t an easy task for them. She’s a total, react on a whim, kind of person who doesn’t even know the meaning of rational thinking in a crisis. So, by the way she was sitting last night and knowing her and her husband live a DD lifestyle I imagine he got her back to clear thinking.

I have several friends around me that over the years I have found out are in the DD lifestyle. Some already were when I met them and some I’ve turned into spanking aficionados. *grin* I’ll have to post about all that sometime.

So I think that’s everything. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and making the best out of a Monday.

Lightning Strikes and Courage and the Meaning of Life

Lightning struck MY little one yesterday, and after all we’ve been through and the many discussions we’ve had on the matter, I wanted to share some with the “community” and voice some thoughts and feelings and perhaps a bit more.

First I want to tell you that I’m so proud of MY little one… her strength and her heart and her courage... she’s a wonder I tell you, though too often she won’t see it, but as I tell her… “I speak only truth”

So sometimes lightning hits and you (and/or those around you) survive… changed… but you survive… sometimes lightning kills. I’m a survivor of at least two strong hits. My father was killed in an industrial accident when I was fiver years old, and when I was in college, the uncle who “filled in” for him as I grew up was killed in the very same way. All the feelings of unfairness and not being able to make sense or rationalize the “why” have sent me on a long hard sojourn for peace and understanding. I won’t say that “grail” is attainable, or even within reach ever, but here’s what I know now…

Many folks get through life without the lightning strike… fortunate they are, but many suffer so much more than we. The earth is littered with anonymous corpses of eons past, and it doesn’t matter particularly, I think, if you believe in God or a higher power or even if you’re a spiritual person. Some things we can influence and control. Some things we can’t, and when I pray, I do so not only for the ones I love, but for all the souls who hurt.

A psychiatrist named Viktor Frankl wrote a book called “Man’s Search For Meaning” that was published in 1959. Frankl, a Jew, had been a prisoner of war at Auschwitz and Dachau during World War II, and from some of the most dehumanizing conditions on human record, we have a work that’s rational and uplifting. Frankl was fond of quoting Nietzche who said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” But more than anything, two short passages are wisdom. The first where he was being marched to his daily work assignment, starving and freezing and beaten along the road, struck me as wisdom. Frankl wrote:

“And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we knew each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous that the sun which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth -- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and human belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

And again, “In the concentration camp, every circumstance conspires to make the prisoner lose his hold. All the familiar goals are snatched away. What alone remains is the last of human freedoms -- the ability to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

Now as we face this latest lightning strike together, I counsel MY little one there’s no way to prepare for such a thing. When we knew sad was coming did it hurt any less when it finally arrived ? And if we’d known where or when the lighting was going to hit, would we have avoided that place and time or rushed headlong into our destiny ?

It doesn’t matter. We take the opportunity to put our feet on the floor each morning for granted all too much. We stew and fret and regret yesterday when it’s unchangeably gone, and the only lesson to be learned is we can change tomorrow. Life is fragile, but enduring nonetheless. And “I know I’ll often stop and think about them,” as Lennon so eloquently puts it, tells us right where to go every day… “In my life, I love you more” is NOT in the past tense… it’s looking to the unknown, where another lightening strike may be lurking, but “meaning” is in (and only in I say) love… It’s called “life”… live it, won't you please.

When Your World Gets Rocked...

and not in a good way.

(warning: No good spanky stuff to follow, just regular but sad, mundane life stuff)


Yesterday was a day I would've have rather not experienced. Yeah, yesterday afternoon my world was rocked... to the max.

The first part I should have been partially prepared for but, I wasn't. I thought all would be OK but, it's not. I knew it was a possibility but, I never dreamed it was probable and, I found it is.

Yeah, yesterday my world was rocked. I found out that, my all too young son more than likely has glaucoma. His eye doctor said yes but we're sending him to the specialist to see what he has to say.

Why and how could a child so young be afflicted with an eye disease like this? It's just not fair but, then again, as we know... life isn't always fair. I know there is much worse news I could have gotten but dammit, this is BIG to me... this is BIG to my son. He's old enough to understand reason but still, on the way home... I got the big question... "So I am going to go blind mama?" "No son, you're not going to go blind!" I said, voice wavering. "But we've studied glaucoma in school." He said with question in his voice. "Then you know that with the technology today and treatment that you will live a long, sighted life." I told him. "But I'm so young to have to start treatement for it already." He said, with a hint of unfairness in his voice... and with all the sureness I could summon, I said... "let's just wait until we see the specialist and take it from there, OK? He deals with this kind of stuff everyday, so let's not get wound up until we're 100% sure we have reason to... and even then, we will deal with it rationally."

Yeah, being a parent can suck sometimes.... ya gotta be the strong one when you don't wanna be... well ya wanna be, for them... but yet ya don't wanna HAVE to be. OK, that didn't make much sense but that's the best I have at the moment. As I think I've said before, I'm not good at putting my feelings into words... nor do I like to... nor do I really want to. I really can't believe I'm sitting here even TRYING to blog about this. I'm anxious to see if I actually post it.

So on with the second bit of bad news. While sitting in the eye doctor's office... in the middle of getting THIS bad news... my cell phone goes off, begging to give me more bad news. I saw the number on my caller ID and knew I had to answer it because this person wouldn't have been calling me on my cell at that time unless it was bad news.

It was bad news. My heart leaped into my throat when I heard the voice cracking on the other end. "They've been in an accident!" I heard the words coming through the phone. Here I am, trying to process the news that my son more than likely has glaucoma and I'm being told that my two Godchildren and their Mother have been literally ran over by a tractor trailer.

As I said in the beginning of this post, I should have been partially prepared for the first bit of bad news of the day but nothing could have prepared me for the "actuality" of it I guess... and there was no way in hell I would ever be prepared to get the second bit of news.

All three of them are in a dire state, with mother and daughter having to had emergency surgery in the night... daughter being in a coma and the son having possibly had a stroke. It hasn't even been 24 hours since the accident... so no one knows what's going to happen. All I know is that I can't be with them right now and this is positively killing me. I have a special bond with these people that nothing could ever break. We don't talk to each other every day since they moved away and I was hurt and upset to no end that they moved. I acted like a child when I found out they were moving. OK, whoa here... not getting into that story right now. However, that statement just made me realize that that's something I should really blog about sometime... because I've never really got that out... never REALLY talked about it with anyone, thoroughly. Though I've talked to myself about it quite a bit and Guy and I have touched on it but... I have some "admitting" to do I think and yesterday just opened my eyes to it. Yeah, that needs to be a blog entry soon I think. Then maybe I can really talk about it and just get it totally off my chest once and for all and move on.

Moving on can be a good thing. It's just rather sad that it takes so much time sometimes or it takes a tragedy of sorts to make one see that. Right now all I want is to be able to hug them, to touch them, to be able to tell them how much I love them... and I can't. I want to hear them laugh again... and I can't. I want to feel their arms wrapped around my neck... and I can't. I want this to all go away... and it won't.

Yeah, I feel like a child again... wanting someone to make this all better. Wanting someone to tell me in that most steadfast voice that everything is going to be OK. I want to believe, like a child, that Daddy can make it all better for me.

If you do NOTHING else today, be sure you tell the ones that mean the most to you that you love them. Don't let there be any doubt... don't leave it to chance... it may be the last time you get to tell them. Go, do it now! Don't have any regrets... like I do.

In My Life - 2

Now I'm not likely a match for the wondrous lyrical simplicity of John Lennon, but I have a little more to say on "My Life"...

I've had so many blessings in my life... countless countless blessings. But from the moment my existence was conceived in the heart of God, to the instant I take my final conscious breath; the sum of all this good fortune would go undetected in the brightness of a single one...

The blessing of MY little one puts an entire lifetime in perspective and focus and more... all the blessings, past and yet to come, are richer and deeper and more beautiful because of you little girl ! All the bumps and ups and downs pale in light of this truth...

"In my life, I love you more"

In My Life

John Lennon wrote this song in 1965, and while I'm neither old (the brat might disagree), or nostalgic, I've always found these lyrics moving. If you never heard this song, please, seek it out and listen. It's simple melody, lyricism, and message might touch you too.

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

My Weltanschauung

Weltanschauung... A play on words perhaps but this is all about my "world view"...

MY little one had bare bottom corner time yesterday... where she belonged at the time, because she's been a sassy nervy brat of late. She loses track of my world view and behaves accordingly; winding up with consequences and pouts. She looses track, and I admit that may be a brat "trait", but there are so many good places to focus all that energy. You have to wonder why she gets into so much trouble.

Well that's the "view". Without getting into a deep philosophical treatise here, let me just relate it to our growing world. Where would I be without her ? For as much as she needs a firm hand, I need to be that firm hand. I use the word "need", but it's deeper and darker and lighter than that. It's a simple thing to satiate a need these days, it's hard everlasting work and diligence and focus and discipline to LOVE forever...

The nurturer without the nurtured is an empty shell. The spanker without the spanked, is hollow and alone. The opposite's true of course, but if you reduce it soley to need, it becomes an indulgence, instead of what we were, in my "view", intended to become... liberated and free beyond understanding to a mutual and loving joy and bliss and delight in all things... for always.

When I'm strict with her, it's because it's my nature to be strict in a deeply loving way, and all things are focused on her wellbeing... her emotional and physical and intellectual wellbeing and more... the rules are for her good and for her ever present goodness... they're for me too... an expression of my respect and devotion... again... in balance for WE...

I don't speak for anyone but WE... but this is my purpose and my reason for being... MY little one...

NOW IF YOU WOULD JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND YOUNG LADY !

(GROWLIN AND SWATTING YOUR BARE BEHIND)

Errors & Omissions

Yesterday in my "Smokin with Fred & Ginger Update" it seems I left out some details that I was supposed to post about. One was that I had not eaten anything until dinner time on Friday. This is another big no no for me and something he gets very bent outta shape over and something that he gives me no leeway on.

I had also been naughty that morning and came without permission from him. Right now this is another no no. So now I'm not allowed to cum until further notice. This is something that we're just experimenting with at the moment... something maybe, to help me to be able to let go of the control thing but at the same time help me learn to have more control where I need and want it. Not to mention that it's pretty damn hot too, to think that he has control over when I cum. When he tells me I can't I want to all the more of course. Just like a brat eh?

So yesterday when I was writing out my post I was sitting here typing with (blushing profusely here, tryin to get the courage up to type this... I can be VERY shy at times... even if I don't wanna be) what I'll just refer to as a "toy" inside me... you'll have to read between the lines. He said it was to remind me of my naughty behavior earlier.... and I wasn't allowed to cum. (grumblin and groaning) It wasn't easy at all but, I managed it. When I was done I had to remove it and go on about my day. (groan)

I'm a Stinker

My roomie made me buy this shirt Friday cuz she said I'm such a stinker. hehehehehehe 

OOOO, I'm Naughty

Yeah, So I refuse to grow up! Where would the fun in that be??

Your Inner Child Is Naughty

Like a child, you tend to discount social rules. It's just too much fun to break the rules! You love trouble - and it seems that trouble loves you. And no matter what, you refuse to grow up!

How Is Your Inner Child?

I'm cute but psycho!

OK, so I just REALLY couldn't refuse to see what kinda happy bunny I was too.


you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You're
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by

On "Difficulties" and More

I wasn't "unpleased" with MY little one's post. I pointed out her omissions and required she edit to include them. Now of course being focused on her "demons" instead of the task at hand, MY little one did huff away in a snit; and that indeed "makes it harder than it has to be."

The longer she goes being able to sit comfortably, the less attention she pays to the focus I demand on her own wellness. Note the beer she drank without permission and staying up past bedtime. Her "UH OH" factor, is the cumulative count of cigarettes she's smoked over the daily limits I've set. The limit decreases by 10% each week until we attain a specific goal, and after seventeen days on the plan, she stands at fourteen. That is the "factor" of the number of times the paddle (Fred AND/OR Ginger) is going to, ever so briskly, be applied to her bare fanny. I will take the blog comments into consideration when I decide if the multiple is AND or OR, so please, let's hear what you have to say.

Now...

MY little one's bottom is in for a ride
On a spankin that stings, but won't damage her pride

She's a wonder of wonders who's bottom NEEDS HOT
She may misbehave, but a "screw-up" she's NOT

Difficulties

(sighs) He wasn’t pleased with my previous post. Seems I didn’t do everything I was supposed to. Why is this so difficult for me sometimes? Do I make this harder than it has to be?

Yeah, I’m just sitting here, sighing and shaking my head... tryin to figure out how it is I’m supposed to do what I have to do. I’ll figure it out somehow I’m sure.

I know I feel even worse about myself at the moment cuz I left him in all a snit awhile ago after he told me I had to edit my post.

Yeah, I’m just sitting here, sighing and shaking my head.

Have to finish dinner up and I guess do something that I’m actually supposed to do then.

Smokin with Fred & Ginger Update

(lookin up at the title and mumblin something about HIM makin ME post this but ME not being allowed to use my own title for the post)

OK, so I'm in soooooooo much trouble AGAIN. Why can't I stay outta trouble?? WHY WHY WHY? I'm gonna blame most... not all, but MOST of this on my cable bein out last night. (What? You actually expected MOI to take the blame? shame shame, you'll learn not to do that pretty soon)

I'm not exactly sure where yesterday started going downhill really. Lookin back I guess I was really in a "little mood". Gotta hate when that happens huh? Guy was/is in his little "spanky mood". A few times yesterday I caught myself wantin to say, "Look, I don't need any of your attitude, I got enough of my own the way it is!" (giggle) Something tells me that wouldn't have been appreciated all that much! I'm thinkin I still have pretty much of that attitude goin this morning too! Go figure! Guess I better get on with where this post is supposed to be going before someone gets a little too impatient...

I screwed up in two ways yesterday, maybe more. Hell I'm not even sure at the moment. I'm sure it'll come clear to me as I'm sortin it all out here. I just hope I've told him everything already and nothin comes out here that he hasn't heard yet.

It started out yesterday with my roomie gettin home from work early and we headed out. Did a little shopping and had dinner out. I had beer without getting permission from him first. A big no no around here. I can have a tendency, at times, to get carried away with my drinkin but, that hasn't happened for a long time now. So I had 2 beers and like 3/4 of another one and I was NOT driving. After we ate we came straight home. Our cable was out. Great! Our cable NEVER goes out... well, guess I can't say never now. No cable = no internet around here. UGH! Yes, I'm addicted. So what! So, with nothin much to do, my roomie and I stayed up until 12:30 just talkin. Didn't make Guy none too happy either. (I really gotta have a talk with him about this bedtime thing... specially on the weekends!) Well, on top of having beer without permission, stayin up later than he would have liked, I went wayyyyy over on my cigarette limit last night. My limit is cut to 16 at the moment and I had ummm (whisperin) 23. That made my "uh oh" factor for the day seven. Not good. Personally, I think I've been doin real good but, screw up one day and it all goes to hell. This was him after seein my log:

Him: i'd say your "uh oh" factor is gonna be a REAL unpleasant experience young lady

little one: :( :( :(

Him: maybe you should have thought about that instead of CHAIN SMOKIN half the night with "insert roomies name" here.

Yes, I screwed up. I know I screwed up. I hate it when I screw up. I don't like myself when I screw up. I beat myself up when I screw up.

Ya ever have one of those days where ya just really really really wanna be good but, it's like the naughty demon just keeps pullin you closer and closer until ya just eventually say the hell with it and ya embrace the naughty demon like she was your long lost friend? Yeah, you say? Damn I hope so. I'd hate to think I'm the only one that can be so stupid sometimes.

So today I'm tryin to hold the naughty demon at bay. It's gonna be an uphill battle I think. Help, yeah help... I need HELP!

I Hope the rest of y'all's day is happy and good. :)

OH damn, I almost forgot what else he told me I had to say here... (shakin my head) I'm supposed to point you Guy's original Fred & Ginger post and ask for feedback. (rollin my eyes) OK, I did but that doesn't mean y'all have to say anything... really! Normally I'd say bring the comments on but uhhh noooo, the brat in me will be quite happy with y'all stayin quiet with this one. However, he may not be though. Is that another conundrum? Sorry, I just like that word... it just sorta flows off your tongue, ya know? Hehehehehehe!

Just snippets and tidbits of this and that

Today's a rainy, yucky day. I guess that's OK though, we needed it badly. Yesterday was much of the same. The only problem with days like this is I get stir crazy most of the time. I love sunshine and I hate when the time changes. If I'm not careful I could let myself get real depressed this time of year. I have to work hard at it. The problem with that is sometimes is this... it's just too damn much work! Plain and simple! I'm lookin out at the rain this morning and I'm stir crazy. I wanna run. Where? I dunno. Just somewhere. Could that mean I need a spankin? LOL Yes it could. Does it? Yes it does! But then again, to me... everything means I need a spankin. I am spank deprived... but I want it on MY terms. HA! Nothin new with that! I want everything on my terms. Do I get everything on my terms? Not only no, but HELL no. I wouldn't be happy if I did... but I bitch cuz I don't. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Are all us spankos like that? I need boundaries and fences. Sometimes I hate needin 'em... other times I revel in it... and I mostly fight it all the time. I'm such a confused sort! If a fence comes down I feel lost... unloved. When one goes up I tend to kick and scream. Dontcha just feel so bad for Guy? (smirk)

On to the next little tidbit... My roommate... she needs a spankin. Guy tells me that all the time too and he would just love to paddle some sense into her freakin behind sometimes. She knows of my spanking kink. We talk about it off and on quite a bit. Only thing is... if she were "into it" she would definitely be the SpankER. She's threatened me with a few and when she does that I just think, HA, you could use one yourself! She's made the off comment before when I've talked about what spanking does for me that maybe that's what she needs. So who knows, maybe she'd be a switch. All I know is that she could use one... dammit! And I've told her so. But I just don't think she quite gets the spanking dynamic thing. I think she'd like to understand cuz she asks questions sometimes... brings the topic up herself without any prompting from me. Guy always says I'm a paradox wrapped in an enigma... well I think that describes her too. Maybe that's why shes my bestest friend in the whole wide world. We're so totally different but yet so much alike. Our personalities couldn't be more different. I'm a brat... she's not. She hates life... I don't... well not all the time anyway... like she does. We both definitely think life is unfair. We both get extremely irritated with "stupid" people extremely quick... too quick. We're both growing less patient in our "older" age instead of becoming more mellow. So we're a lot alike but yet oh so different... but no matter how negative she is... no matter how much she hates life and no matter how much I let her take me down with her sometimes I'll always love her. I'll always support her, even when I know she's wrong. I'll tell her she's wrong but, I'll support her... always. She IS my best friend.

One last tidbit here and I think I'll run. Where? I have no clue... but somewhere.

Guy is in such a spanky spanky mood this morning. All stern and such. Yummy but UGH at the same time. I think he issued more threats and warnings this morning than anything else. I hate it when he does that... I love it when he does that. Oh what a conundrum... welcome to my life. Fasten your seatbelt and hang on tight. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Now, on with my day. Hope everyones is good and you get/give all the spankins ya need and want. :)

Snits & Fits & Lots More Hits

First let me thank everyone for visiting our site; and PLEASE... we really do want and treasure your comments, so don't be shy !

Now for the little one...

Her "bad day" yesterday was an understatement, and like the softie I am sometimes, I tried to give her some room to be good... specially when her tummy's been givin her fits like it has. She dug into chores, making things worse, then moped around in admitted nausea and pain... She didn't do as she was told and get her prescriptions refilled (one of which is long past due and potentially life saving because she has a life threatening allergy)...

So anyway, first chance she got, lil ole gilligan and her shipmate dropped everything, including her afternoon dose of tummy medicine, and had a three hour tour for NO GOOD REASON. When I did call her on it, I got a ton of guff for which her bare behind is going to get toasted BUTT GOOD ! NOW... I don't know who's head is "thick", but I know who's attitude and ass is going to be adjusted.

On the brighter side, she's doing very well with the regimen I've laid out for her to cut way back on smoking. Only seven over the limit in two serious weeks... Please read the Fred & Ginger post and help me out... is that seven or fourteen paddle cracks ?? Should they be before or after the rest of the blistering she's got coming and none too soon ??

Snits & Fits

Warning... nothing but rambling and grumbling... read at your own risk!


Well, yesterday started out strange and just got worse and worse as the day went on... ended badly and has left me in a snit this morning.

I have trouble sleeping on a regular basis unfortunately but, the night before last I think I may have slept thru the whole damn night. The alarm clock even had to wake me up and that rarely ever happens around here. So right off I woke feeling all out of sorts. Great way to start the day... not! I had no recollection of the night before and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why and it left me with such an edgy feeling. I realize "normal" people that actually sleep thru the night shouldn't have much recollection of the night. If you don't remember it would probably mean you slept. Well, this was a new concept to me and I'll be damned if I could just let it go as that. So, I slept thru the night... why else would I have no recollection of it? Pretty damn simple really. Anyway, yeah, so I sound crazy and probably am but, I accept that. Got to be to live in this f****d up world nowadays.

So now on with the day. I wasn't feelin so hot the whole day. Grumpy and tired, (for some strange reason considering I actually slept thru the night for once) my tummy was hurtin and I had too much crap I needed to get done around the house. I started out flyin thru the house tearin into first one thing then another, feelin crappier as I went on. But dammit I was determined! When Guy and I finished talkin that morning before he had to get to work I was left with instructions to do two things that day... take it easy and to call the doctor and get two prescriptions refilled. Well, apparently I didn't do either one. I just can't seem to get it thru his thick head (knowing I'm gonna regret using those words) that when I'm feelin bad in the way I was then, sitting around and doing nothing doesn't make me feel any better! (growlin) Going on with my day makes the day go faster and keeps my mind off of whatever it is that's bothering me. Makes sense to me!! Does it to him? Hell no! Well, come late afternoon by the time he called I had everything done I wanted to get done around here and hadn't called the doctor. No big deal... the prescriptions wasn't something urgent. Well, I was in a snit and he was ready to tear into me but, according to him he "gave pause cause I was feeling low".

Now here's where bad turned to worse. My roommate got in from work and she needed me to go with her to help her find a place that she needed to go to for work later on in the week. Didn't seem like a big deal to me. All I did was drive. Don't see how that was gonna make me feel any worse. And mind you, it didn't! Well, lemme tell ya, it was a big deal to him! When I got home I immediately started getting the scolding that would leave the hair on your neck standin straight up. He was of course upset that I, according to him, "tore out of the house" after feeling like crap all day, not taking it easy like he insisted that I do and not calling for my refills on my meds. Well now, group 'em all together like that and hmmm, he just might have something to be a little upset about I guess. But ya know, like I said to him last night. "Why didn't you scold me for those other things at the time then?" Well, according to him he did... some. Well, I wonder where the hell I was cause I sure missed it apparently. That's when he said he gave pause cause I was feelin low. Honestly, he didn't seem all that upset about the other things until I added going out on top of 'em.

Yes, I know I can be kinda dense sometimes when it comes to seeing what I've done wrong and I got all in a snit about it and threw a slight fit when he was going to make me go to bed at 9:30. I honestly wanted to get this worked out before going to bed but, as I told him... "I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.. or not see eye to eye on it or whatever". Sometimes I think I forget... maybe choose to... that he has the final say and what he says goes. I give/gave him that... cause that's what we both want... it's what works for us. It's what makes things easier for us.

So why am I bitchin, right? I'll be damned if I know. I guess cause I was/am confused. He says I was argumentative. Me? Argumentative? HA! Never! OK, so maybe never is a really long time. I was honestly feelin bad/sad that I had upset him so, unintentionally. I just couldn't/can't understand why he got so upset over me going out. But that's his prerogative and I accept that whether I want to or not. Again, so why am I bitchin? (shruggin) Cause I can I guess. And I know I am just rambling. (growlin) Hey, I said this was gonna be rambling and grumbling... wasn't kiddin was I?

Nothing really got resolved before going to bed. Well, not in my mind. He said... today's done, we're puttin it to bed, don't be upset anymore. (shakin my head) Now I really and truly believe he has the ability to do that.... but ya know what... I don't! Dammit! And I hate that I don't!!! I had upset him... for whatever his reasons were that I didn't agree with. So I had to go to bed in a snit. And guess what... yep, I'm still in a snit. Damn, I hate when that happens.

Today shall be interesting I think. (sighs)

Professionals in the know?

OK, so do you ever think that your doctor or some other professional you know could have an interest in whatever it is you choose to call "this thing we do"?

Well lemme tell ya, if you've ever felt that you know exactly how I feel. Every time I see my doctor he greets me with "well hello young lady". Just sends shivers up and down my freakin spine I tell ya. He uses all the "hot buttons". Once when I was in the hospital I got "young lady", "little girl" and "you better behave yourself and get better" all in one visit. Now is that the mark of a spanko or what?? Gotta love it!! Guy gets a huge kick outta this every time I tell him about it. He keeps tellin me he's got my number.

Well, it seriously leaves ya something to think about. (giggle)
Has this ever happened to anyone else? I'd be interested to know. Drop a comment and lemme know please. :)

How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You ?

How many times do I have to tell you little girl ?? You know it was the very first time we met when I told you the "first time"... the foremost of my few rules is this... You are to take the best possible care of yourself... PERIOD !

So when I hear nonsense like this it drives me up the wall... "We were supposed to have a special evening last night and after dinner I started feeling like roadkill... so needless to say, I ruined that and ended up going to bed early and stewing all night long."

Now I do believe I've told you three thousand times young lady, and I truly wonder how you can't get it through your head that your WELLNESS is my JOY... as much as anything, your attention to taking care of yourself pleases me and gives me peace... not a thing was "ruined" because we had a nasty tummy-ache and you needed to see the doctor... which you did... and for which I'm thankful... and for which your bare bottom should be MOST THANKFUL...

Every day with you is fuller and more wondrous than the last... I love you... You make me happy - make me happy little one... DO AS THE DOCTOR ORDERS !!

Grumblesnots

OK, so I woke up in a really bitchy mood this morning. It happens from time to time but it's not all that commom. I hate when that happens! I have to go to the doctor this afternoon and I don't even want to! I hate doctors, I think they're stoooopid and I want nothing to do with them and I'm even thinking about blowing it off. (growlin) Gawwwwwwd I hate when I get like this. It's gonna be one of those freaking days, I can just tell.

I really don't know why I'm so bitchy this morning other than the doctor. Guy and I had a great weekend. We were supposed to have a special evening last night and after dinner I started feeling like roadkill... so needless to say, I ruined that and ended up going to bed early and stewing all night long.

And bless Guy's heart this morning, he's trying to be understanding and supportive of tests I might have to have and how I'm stewing about that too and I just keep getting bitchier. Of course I'm not sure he has a real idea of just how bad a mood I am in cuz of course I haven't came out and told him. (shock shock.. NOT)

Well, here's hoping that I actually find my way to the doctor this afternoon and this bitchy mood of mine lifts. Hope everyone else is having a better day.

a lullabye for MY little one

MY little one gives me peace and more... our weekend together has been extraordinary... like her... and so to you my love... reverently... i am your peace too...


It’s dark outside tonight my little one
A storm is in the air and it’s just begun
The clouds are rolling in and it seems like fun
To stay awhile and play the night away

My little one’s hiding out of sight
Dreams a dream tonight, just waiting for the light
Oh and my little one, can you hear my song so sweet
Won’t you pray your soul to keep you ‘til the morning

The hilltops call your name my little one
Riding hard and strong in the morning sun
The days they pass so quickly now and when they’re done
Won’t you stay awhile and sleep the night away

My little one’s hiding out of sight
Dreams a dream tonight, just waiting for the light
Oh and my little one, can you hear my song so sweet
Won’t you let my loving heart keep you ‘til morning

Bedtime calls your name, my little one
Peace is calling too, and it’s time has come
Rest your weary heart, ‘cause this day is done
In my arms forever’s not so far away

My little one’s hiding out of sight
Dreams a dream tonight, just waiting for the light
Oh and my little one, can you hear my song so sweet
Won’t you rest and know I’ll be there every morning

© Guy - 2005

How accurate could these things really be? Hmmm...

Interesting

his+little+one took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Shelves her ambitions and forgoes her desire for p..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Need/Want

(sighs)

I need him today. I need to feel him… his touch… his strength… his love… his sureness. I need to be wrapped in his strong arms after I’ve felt the sting of his strong, steel-like hand raining down smack after blistering smack to my bare, vulnerable bottom that is so utterly and unmistakably his.

Yes, I need him today. I need him every day.

(sighs)

Do you know I need you today? Have I told you today that I need you? That I need you every day? I do. Not in a having to need you way, but rather in a want to need you way. I want to need you every day.

I love you.