Friday, June 08, 2007

how offended...

how offended
the birds must be(e)
at all the noise
we who-mans make
so much raquette... and yet
that good ole failure to


laff birds do in the dark
while quiet wise
they nest

and onandonandonandon
we din on our best

Worth Living

Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.

-- Albert Einstein (with hearty concurrance from Guy)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

no i won’t

in the fraction of a second

from the time i fell until

the time my poor head hit(ted)

and all consciousness was gone

in perilous sweet succession

i flashed, i love…


i figure i won't be doing

what i planned

and if wake up

i won't put off another

day of whowhatforever i love…


Friday, December 15, 2006

Where Have I been?

I’m not even sure I know. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride for the past... hmmm, I guess it’s been almost two months now. Time flies even when you’re not having fun it seems.
What started out as going north to take Mother for a simple eye surgery back in October turned out to be way much more than that. The morning she was to have her surgery she woke with a fever and severe stomach pain. We ended up in the ER instead of eye surgery clinic. There we stayed for a week. She was discharged on Friday and I (maybe she did too) came home from the hospital with the freaking stomach flu. (Much thanks to the folks at the hospital for that!) I bounced back quickly... Mama was a different story. She was back in the hospital come Tuesday morning... may have been Monday morning... I’m not sure I even know at this point.

After nearly another week in the hospital again I got her home the second time and nursed back to health to where I thought she could be left on her own and I headed back south. I wasn’t even home a full 24 hours and she was taken back to the ER. She wasn’t admitted, but this still meant I was headed north again, this time to move things forward quickly to get her moved down south. In a matter of a week to a week and a half I had her house cleaned out of everything she wasn’t bringing south, got her house on the market for not even a full 24 hours before it was sold. The second week my brother came in and helped with the big stuff that I couldn’t get cleared out on my own. In a few days he was there and gone with her back down south. She had left her home of over 30 years for the last time. I had to stay behind for a few days to wrap some little things up with the realtor and such.

It was all becoming so final way too fast. The realtor was there Saturday morning taking pictures and what not. By Saturday afternoon the “for sale” went up in the front yard... the lock box was on the front door and my head was left spinning. Reality smacked me upside the head. No matter how much you think you’re prepared for something like that you’re really not! I’ll get to see my childhood home one more time, that’s it. There are so many memories there... good and bad. It’s the place I nursed my father while he was terminally ill; it’s the place where he passed away; it’s the place I had to nurse my mother back to health for a year after he passed away. The good memories outnumber the bad ones by far though. Even the bad ones aren’t regrets, rather something I’m thankful I did.

By Saturday night the realtor called and said they had someone very interested in seeing it and asked if I could be there to tell them what could be sold with the house. They came Sunday morning and by Sunday night we had full asking price and cash at closing. One major worry out of the way... mostly. We still can’t relax until those papers are signed on closing day.

My brother and mama had arrived at his house the Friday before the house sold, by Monday she was back in the hospital now awaiting surgery. Now her place up north is sold, her place here isn’t finished, she’s in the hospital at my brother’s... still 4 hours away from me, she’s awaiting surgery that’s probably going to take place about the time we’re suppose to close on her house. The good news is when her place is finally finished she will only be a couple minutes away from me. That makes me very happy!

The day after Thanksgiving I had to have my precious cat put to sleep... not much over a month after my dog. The day I was on my way back home from my mama's (the first trip up there) the Pessimist called me and said I needed to hurry home... that there was something wrong with her. Apparently she had had a seizure. It’s all still a mystery really. They did blood work when I got her to the vets and now she was in kidney failure. For two weeks we did everything we could; home fluid treatments daily for a week, then every other day for another week. She had become lame after the seizure too, seeming to be in much pain... so I was having to force pain medication down her mouth three times a day... antibiotics twice a day... kidney medicine three times a day... not to mention the fluid treatments that involved sticking a needle in the back of her neck... all of this in a cat that was feeling like crap and didn’t even want to be touched lovingly let alone the way I was having to. I struggled daily as to whether I was doing the right thing, but the vet kept telling me there was a chance she could come out of it... so of course I had to try. Two weeks was long enough... it was only torture for her and I both. The final straw was when I took her back for her weekly visit and the blood work revealed the kidney failure was worsening. My decision was made... the humane decision. So now we’ve went from three pets to one... the one left being the same age as the other two. Yes, the past two months have been nothing else but pretty much sad, but here I am forging right along, as we all must do, right?

So, where am I going from here? Heck if I know. This is where we have to take it day by day I suppose. That’s hard. Not to mention the holidays coming up. Dare I say Bah Humbug?

On the brighter side of things... I did get to spend some quality time with Guy while I was there. In spite of all the chaos and sadness... there he was. That part was nothing short of pure wonderful.

So that’s where I’ve been and what’s been going on. There hasn’t been a dull moment, for sure... just wish I had better things to write about right now. We’ll prevail. We always do. Things always work out for the best in the end... somehow.

I hope everyone else has been well and are ready for the holidays. I should probably wish all Happy Holidays now because I just don’t know where I’m going to be from one minute to the next right now. So Happy Holidays to all.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Home Again...

I'm home again, but only for a few days before heading north again. I hope to do a real post before I leave again, but I make no promises. *sighs* What a past three weeks it has been! If plans go as they should I should only be gone the weekend, for now.

Anyway, I hope everyone has been well. ♥

Monday, October 30, 2006

Just An Update

Just so you know we've not fallen off the face of the earth... MY little one's stay up north has been extended... all our friends are in our hearts and prayers... please keep us in yours...

all our best... g

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thursday's ramblings

Edit: I had started writing this post last night, but blogger was being quite temperamental and it just wasn't worth the fight, so here I try again.

Man o man, did we ever have the most horrendous rains yesterday. I don't think it stopped at all during the daylight ours. It wa so foggy this morning. When I look out my back door I am always so fascinated by the fog... the way it lays behind my house. It was quite overcast until lunchtime then we had the most beauftiful afternoon. This first picture was from this morning. I took some more this afternoon when my dog and I went for a walk. And gee, was the singular form of dogs ever hard to write. I'm not sure I am ever going to get used to this. *sighs* It's just so different. My other dog is still so lost. It's like he doesn't even know how to go outside to the bathroom without her. It breaks my heart!

The rain we had yesterday was so fitting for the grief I was feeling. Mourning the loss of my beloved dog, and missing the heck out of my Dad on his birthday. I'm happy to say that as they day wore on I found my spirits lifting. That's not to say that some little thought of P hasn't cropped up and made me weep like a baby, but I've accepted that as part of the moving on process.

When I went to take S out this morning for our walk, I walked by the couch looking to see if P was awake. Will I ever stop doing that? Yeah, I know... eventually... then it will even happen from time to time. I can't believe I'm actually writing this without tears in my eyes or streaming down my face. I'm going to be just fine... I can actually say that today, and it feels good.

Thanks for your comforting comments; it was nice reading them today, and I didn't even cry!

As you can see I am totally fascinated by water on the subjects of my photos, and when put in black & white... Wow! This is a leaf on my Crepe Myrtle. S was romping around, chasing shadows of leaves falling beside me. (Yes, he is a very simple four legged fella) The hardest time I think I'm having with him without P around is getting him to go to the bathroom... go figure. He still acts like he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. She was such the leader; poor S just followed her every move.

The Pessimist and I are headed north Saturday to go to my mother's place. We'll be back Wednesday, so I'll be offline during that time. She's having eye surgery (again) Monday. I hope to get an abundance of fall pictures on the way and while I'm there. However, the weather is not supposed to be that great. Saturday is supposed to be chilly but sunny, so hopefully I can get the good pics on the drive there. There's a chance of snow there Monday!!! Ugh!!

Well, blogger is being temperamental again, so I give up on trying to upload anymore photos. Check out my Picasa Web Album if you want to see anymore. They'll be uploaded shortly I hope.

I don't think that I mentioned that B passed the written part of his driver education course with a 96. He just has to wait for the call to do the driving part of it now, but he has to have his complete neurological workup first. That happens next month. He goes to get his pressure checked in his eyes this afternoon. I pray his pressure is down. I have no idea what they're going to do if it's not.

Enough rambling for now folks. I hope everyone has a good day. ♥

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

An Empty Space & Happy Birthday

Ya know, it never ceases to amaze me how when something so traumatic happens life just... well, it just goes on. Laundry has to be done; dinner has to be made... just the little every day “life” things still has to go on.

Yesterday we had to have one of our dogs euthanized. One of the dogs I just had out on my walk with me Saturday morning. She was old, but yet so young. You would have never guessed she was ten years old, even on her worst days. She played and played then played some more. We’d been watching her go downhill for the past week, yet she just plowed right along. She enjoyed our walk so so much Saturday. Her and our other dog just romped and romped together. The house is so empty. I was just talking to Guy, telling him there are so many “not anymores”; no more bedtime and morning rituals, no more picking gobs of dog food up, no more sharing the couch, no more “touch me” nudges; so many “not anymores”. Our other dog is so lost. He doesn’t understand where his sister is; how come we left with her yet came back alone.

We’re all just beside ourselves. There’s too much “space” here now. She was a huge dog. The best dog we ever owned... so smart... too smart... so human it was scary.

I don’t think any of us have any tears left, but I’m sure there will be more, and more, and more, and more... even when we think there aren’t anymore.

Our baby girl is gone, yet life still has to go on.


Edit: I decided to go ahead and make this next bit a part of this post too. It just seemed fitting.

Warning: Very raw “stuff” follows. Read at your own risk! Those who don’t like it can just move on and take your freaking ideas on what I should post on OUR blog right back out the door with you. DO NOT F*** with me on this!!

Happy Birthday

On this day in 1938, hard to believe you would be 68. You didn’t know love until you met your would be wife. She then would give you the life you always dreamt of. She would give you her unconditional love that you never had as a child. Later she gave you your first child, a son that would love you unconditionally and in turn you would do the same. You finally knew what it was to be loved.

You didn’t have the “normal” childhood, you see. You didn’t have a stable home. You were shifted around from place to place. You were struck way too often by the hands that were supposed to love you.

Of your childhood you learned this is not the way to build a home; this was not the way to treat a child. You learned so much from your childhood. From an early age you learned how a child was supposed to be treated; not the way you and your sister were treated. A five year old wasn’t meant to be left at home to feed and change the diaper of a newborn baby girl while the parents were out getting drunk.

You saw how not to treat a woman; you now knew how to treat your wife, by not what you saw, but rather what you didn’t see. You were so much better than those people that were your “parents”. They weren’t a mother and a father; they didn’t deserve that title.

Three years later it was time to complete your family. You finally had your little girl. In your eyes now your family was complete. You had a wife to love that loved you back more and more with each passing day. You had a son that worshiped the ground you walked on; not because you were “dad”, but because you earned that. You had a little girl that loved her daddy more than life itself; not because you were “daddy”, but because you earned it.

You taught by example. You didn’t preach “do as I say”. You taught “do as I do”. You never knew what church was as a child or a young man. Not until you met your wife did you know there was another life out there. You chose this life over the one you knew. This is what you wanted for your family. Somehow through your messed up childhood you learned how to build a family; how to build a home. This just shows what an extraordinary man you were; to grow up the way you did, but to know that it wasn’t right; to know there was more.

You vowed to build a stable home for your children and your wife. You vowed they would never be struck by the hand that’s supposed to love them. You stood true to all your promises; all your vows. A hand was never laid upon them. You earned their respect as you vowed you would. You taught your children how be respectable human beings by being one yourself. You took your life as a child and used it to show your children what is right and what is wrong; to show your children how to love.

Today is your birthday, Daddy. I honor your life; I honor your memory. Next month will be three years since your passing. Three long years without my daddy, but I feel your presence every single moment; I feel you holding my hand.

I know you met P at heavens’ gates at 4:10 yesterday afternoon. I know you welcomed her with open arms. I know her bark was telling you she was home finally, and like you, no more was she suffering. You and P take care of each other, Daddy.

B says he’s wishing you Happy Birthday today too. He misses his grand dad.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

All my love,
Your little girl (for always)

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Saturday Morning Walk

I found all kinds of goodies out on my walk today. The sunshine ended up being quite warm as the day wore on. It was in the mid to up 70's by days end. The dogs and I had a nice long walk in the woods. It was peaceful and the dogs just had a grand old time.
I just can't get over the colors of the fall weeds. There was pink, red and purple... and some of the wildflowers out there were just beautiful. I have no idea what this whiteish flower/weed is, but it was awesome looking. (As always, click on the photo for a larger view) I even found some honeysuckle.
I uploaded 35 photos to my Picasa Web Album, but that didn't even begin to put a dent in the 218 photos that I took this morning. After that I went back inside and made potato soup for dinner. Yummy! The rest of the evening and night was spent just pretty much lollygagging around. A nice Saturday all in all.


Don't I live in the South? Last time I checked I did, so can some explain to me please why I woke up to a cold 35° this morning. It's only mid October for crying out loud! By Sunday it will be lows in the mid 50's again. Up and down, up and down; welcome to the South; apparently not the deep enough south!

Even though it was freezing this morning, the sky is absolutely beautiful with not a cloud in sight. If I didn't dread winter so bad I could enjoy this morning as the crisp, clear, flawless looking morning it is. It's only supposed to be a high of 66 today, which isn't too bad actually. After it warms up some I plan to take the camera and the dogs and go for a nice long walk in the woods. Hopefully I can get some good pictures. Unfortunately, to get any colorful leaf pictures I have to hop in the car and head north. We don't get enough rain here in the summertime to produce the gorgeous colors. We get the few like you've seen in the picutres, but you can't get a full blazing tree. At any rate, I'm looking forward to a long, peaceful walk in the woods... just me, my camera, and my dogs.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! ♥♥♥♥

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Just Stuff

I'm still here... just sittin in the background dealing with "stuff" that sometimes I think is getting the better of me. I've still been out a lot taking pictures, enjoying the gorgeous fall weather that is not long for this area. (The rain will set in soon) The temps have been ideal, except for this past weekend, which was miserable for the south. It was cold (to me) and rainy. Today was beautiful.

The Pessimist and I are going to venture out to this new State Park soon that we found out on one of our adventures. I'm looking forward to that actually. Just getting away with my camera in the warm sunshine.

As you can see, Guy and I changed our template. Nothing fancy. I just needed something to drown myself in, while it lasted anyway. I still have the hankering to do more. I just wanted something simple for now. That's my state of being right now... keep it simple.

Today I have dealt with two deaths in one day... one being my mother's former co-worker and good friend that had cancer. The other being my aunt's best friend that had a heart attack we presume... My sister in law having major surgery and my brother being a butt, not keeping me posted... dealing with some outrageous stuff concerning B. and his father. I admit I am a bit overwhelmed and not feeling real optimistic about things at the moment, but I will prevail, eventually... This I know, I always do; I don't know how, but I do.

"This too shall pass."

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Kitty Litter Cake

OK, this is kinda funny.

Read the ingredients and stuff first and then look at the photo!

This is for all us cooks out there looking for something just a little different. *grin*

Want to have a little fun at a party? Prepare this recipe. It's completely edible, but everyone may not think so. *grin*


1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper


1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.

4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Place them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box.

5) Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper.

6) Enjoy!

Scroll down for the image.

Friday, September 22, 2006

A Day at the Mall

“Did you see that?” Lynn shrieked as she tugged hard on Michael’s arm nearly pulling it out of place.

“See what!?” He growled.

She had been pushing his buttons all day with her whining and pouting and Michael had nearly had all he was going to take.

“He just swatted her behind, not once, but twice!” Lynn squealed.

Just then Michael landed two hard swats to Lynn’s behind.

“Like that you mean?” Michael rumbled deeply.

Lynn yelped and looked wide eyed at Michael.

“What the hell was that?!”

“Hmmm, if you have to ask I’m certainly doing something quite wrong! I promise to correct this grievous error pronto little girl!”

Lynn looked at Michael as if he had two heads protruding off his shoulders. She yet to understand why he was so annoyed with her.

They had been out all day. Lynn had to buy a new dress for a work function that she was required to attend. Now Lynn isn’t a shopper in any way, shape or form. She despises it, has no patience for it and would rather knock anyone down that so much as even smiles at her. They argued the whole time they were getting ready to head out for the day; Lynn saying she wasn’t going to be in attendance, Michael saying she most certainly was. Lynn isn’t much of a people person period; she’d much rather be home, wrapped snug in Michael’s arms with his attention solely on her, and Lynn most certainly had his undivided attention before they left the house this morning.

Lynn’s whining earned her a brief stint over Michael’s knee for a warm, bare-bottomed, warning not long after she got out of bed. Apparently it was a bit too brief; although Lynn whooped and hollered like a wounded animal in the wild. She was quite adept at dramatization.

Now they were at the mall strolling down the hall. Lynn was trying everything she could to stay out of the dress shops; first she was whining that she was hungry, now it was that she had to use the little girl’s room.

Michael had Lynn firmly by the elbow.

“Of course you can go to the little girl’s room, little girl.”

Lynn eyed Michael warily. She didn’t like the tone in his voice combined with the term “little girl”.

“You best hope that no one is in there with you!”

Lynn gasped knowing exactly what Michael meant...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My Morning Discovery

And look what I found on my morning walk! This was taken on macro of course, but it was still HUGE! I love the difference in the texture of the stalk and the crown. I have so many photos of mushrooms that I collected over the summer. Just thought I’d share. :)

Thursday Nothings

Look what I found on my shepherd's pole of my hanging plants yesterday. The photo isn't all that great I'm afraid because my camera had to be sent out for repair. I took this with B's camera, which I hate, and don't know how to use properly. This little fella was no bigger than a nickel! We have bigger ones in our yard all summer long, but I've never seen one this small or in this location. I was just mezmerized by its size and appearance. It was silver in color and almost didn't even look real. It's just the little things in life that amaze me most. ;)

I'm really trying to get used to the idea that photos like these will be over shortly as winter approaches. Luckily, where I live I can pretty much keep flowers like mums and pansies around through the winter months with some careful attention.

Soon they will be replaced with photos like this. This picture is of an ice storm we had last December. If we have any kind of winter activity here this is what it usually is. Sometimes I miss seeing the snow. If it's going to be dreary looking I'd like to have some snow to brighten it up once in awhile. Of course I'd really rather it be sunny and 70° all winter long.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a thrilling Thursday. :)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Beautiful Sunday and A Funny

Fall is in the air. It's been a beautiful weekend here. 80's and low humidity. Perfect weather. Time for long walks along the lake with my Guy, hand in hand. It's getting to be the time of year you can actually enjoy being outside here. It doesn't last long though. We have few fall like days, then it goes into our rainy season. Time to enjoy the one we're having today. I hope everyone has a beautiful Sunday!


A Sunday funny for ya...

Oh yes, now I remember how thankful I am to be beyond this!!

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, women don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol. Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.

Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS

Happy Birthday Guy !!!

*weg* OK everyone, it's time to wish Guy a Happy 50th Birthday !!! (Sorry hon, just had to do it !!) You know I love ya though !!!


Seriously though hon, I hope you enjoy your birthday ! Thank you for everything you do for me and the pessimist and for B. We all love you bunches !

You're always there when I need you. No matter what you're doing you always drop everything for me. You always tell me I'm number one in your life and you show me every day just how true that is. You've always been my rock in times of crisis. You've always had an ear to listen when I've needed to vent, or just needed a sounding board. You've been my shoulder to cry on, you've been my firm guiding hand. You've been my friend and lover. When I look back at everything we've been through together over the years, you've never let me down.

We can, and do talk about anything and everything. You're understanding, caring, compassionate, intense, and passionate. Your heart knows no bounds. You're everything I could possibly want/need in a man. You know me like no one else could. I'm so thankful for that.

I love you !!! Happy Birthday !!!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Technical Difficulties

Just wanted to let y'all know that we're aware of our technical difficulties. Our background server is temporarily out of service and we're in the process of looking for a back up, so pardon the mess in the meantime.

Now I would say "back to our regularly scheduled program", but we have none of that here! So back to what you were doin! ;)

I hope everyone has a good day! And ohhhh, I didn't get my Gratitude Tuesday completed for this week. *sad sighs* There were just too many interruptions here, so I will hang on to what I've started and try to work on it throughout the week for next week.

I hope everyone has a good day!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

A Picture For CeeCi :)

I saw CceCi's comment to Guy's picture with the bug, and I do SO share her love of finding a bug in my flower pictures, so I wanted to share this one this morning. :) Click the picture to enlarge.

Beautiful, Peaceful Weekend

The virtually flawless morning sky that accompanied me on my Sunday morning walk.
A storm threatened when I took my Sunday evening stroll. Menacing thunder was all it could muster up. It was beautiful, one direction was a dark sky, another direction was nothing but blue sky, then another direction it was like this pic. I love thunderstorms, even as a child. My father gave me my love of them. He used to gather us up and take us out to the garage, there I would sit on his lap, safe and snug in his strong arms watching the spectacular lightning show, jumping as each strike lit up the sky and awing at the booming thunder. He taught me how to love the storms, but also to respect them.

It was a pretty peaceful weekend here. Much of nothing Saturday. Sunday we grilled steaks out on the grill and brushed the dogs in the warm evening sun.

I'm thankful for the beautiful weekend and what peace came along with it. My mother and I had nice long talk yesterday. Her spirits seemed good. She went to her friends church yesterday instead of hers. They rotate once in awhile, accompaning one to their own, then to the other the next. Then they had a full day out running around. It's good to hear that she spent the day out and about. I wish I were there to do that kind of stuff with her too.

So all in all a good weekend was had. I hope everyone else enjoyed one as well. Happy Monday to all. :)

Update: And look what I was blessed with this morning. There was a beautiful sunrise in the south!