When Your World Gets Rocked...

and not in a good way.

(warning: No good spanky stuff to follow, just regular but sad, mundane life stuff)


Yesterday was a day I would've have rather not experienced. Yeah, yesterday afternoon my world was rocked... to the max.

The first part I should have been partially prepared for but, I wasn't. I thought all would be OK but, it's not. I knew it was a possibility but, I never dreamed it was probable and, I found it is.

Yeah, yesterday my world was rocked. I found out that, my all too young son more than likely has glaucoma. His eye doctor said yes but we're sending him to the specialist to see what he has to say.

Why and how could a child so young be afflicted with an eye disease like this? It's just not fair but, then again, as we know... life isn't always fair. I know there is much worse news I could have gotten but dammit, this is BIG to me... this is BIG to my son. He's old enough to understand reason but still, on the way home... I got the big question... "So I am going to go blind mama?" "No son, you're not going to go blind!" I said, voice wavering. "But we've studied glaucoma in school." He said with question in his voice. "Then you know that with the technology today and treatment that you will live a long, sighted life." I told him. "But I'm so young to have to start treatement for it already." He said, with a hint of unfairness in his voice... and with all the sureness I could summon, I said... "let's just wait until we see the specialist and take it from there, OK? He deals with this kind of stuff everyday, so let's not get wound up until we're 100% sure we have reason to... and even then, we will deal with it rationally."

Yeah, being a parent can suck sometimes.... ya gotta be the strong one when you don't wanna be... well ya wanna be, for them... but yet ya don't wanna HAVE to be. OK, that didn't make much sense but that's the best I have at the moment. As I think I've said before, I'm not good at putting my feelings into words... nor do I like to... nor do I really want to. I really can't believe I'm sitting here even TRYING to blog about this. I'm anxious to see if I actually post it.

So on with the second bit of bad news. While sitting in the eye doctor's office... in the middle of getting THIS bad news... my cell phone goes off, begging to give me more bad news. I saw the number on my caller ID and knew I had to answer it because this person wouldn't have been calling me on my cell at that time unless it was bad news.

It was bad news. My heart leaped into my throat when I heard the voice cracking on the other end. "They've been in an accident!" I heard the words coming through the phone. Here I am, trying to process the news that my son more than likely has glaucoma and I'm being told that my two Godchildren and their Mother have been literally ran over by a tractor trailer.

As I said in the beginning of this post, I should have been partially prepared for the first bit of bad news of the day but nothing could have prepared me for the "actuality" of it I guess... and there was no way in hell I would ever be prepared to get the second bit of news.

All three of them are in a dire state, with mother and daughter having to had emergency surgery in the night... daughter being in a coma and the son having possibly had a stroke. It hasn't even been 24 hours since the accident... so no one knows what's going to happen. All I know is that I can't be with them right now and this is positively killing me. I have a special bond with these people that nothing could ever break. We don't talk to each other every day since they moved away and I was hurt and upset to no end that they moved. I acted like a child when I found out they were moving. OK, whoa here... not getting into that story right now. However, that statement just made me realize that that's something I should really blog about sometime... because I've never really got that out... never REALLY talked about it with anyone, thoroughly. Though I've talked to myself about it quite a bit and Guy and I have touched on it but... I have some "admitting" to do I think and yesterday just opened my eyes to it. Yeah, that needs to be a blog entry soon I think. Then maybe I can really talk about it and just get it totally off my chest once and for all and move on.

Moving on can be a good thing. It's just rather sad that it takes so much time sometimes or it takes a tragedy of sorts to make one see that. Right now all I want is to be able to hug them, to touch them, to be able to tell them how much I love them... and I can't. I want to hear them laugh again... and I can't. I want to feel their arms wrapped around my neck... and I can't. I want this to all go away... and it won't.

Yeah, I feel like a child again... wanting someone to make this all better. Wanting someone to tell me in that most steadfast voice that everything is going to be OK. I want to believe, like a child, that Daddy can make it all better for me.

If you do NOTHING else today, be sure you tell the ones that mean the most to you that you love them. Don't let there be any doubt... don't leave it to chance... it may be the last time you get to tell them. Go, do it now! Don't have any regrets... like I do.