Snits & Fits

Warning... nothing but rambling and grumbling... read at your own risk!


Well, yesterday started out strange and just got worse and worse as the day went on... ended badly and has left me in a snit this morning.

I have trouble sleeping on a regular basis unfortunately but, the night before last I think I may have slept thru the whole damn night. The alarm clock even had to wake me up and that rarely ever happens around here. So right off I woke feeling all out of sorts. Great way to start the day... not! I had no recollection of the night before and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why and it left me with such an edgy feeling. I realize "normal" people that actually sleep thru the night shouldn't have much recollection of the night. If you don't remember it would probably mean you slept. Well, this was a new concept to me and I'll be damned if I could just let it go as that. So, I slept thru the night... why else would I have no recollection of it? Pretty damn simple really. Anyway, yeah, so I sound crazy and probably am but, I accept that. Got to be to live in this f****d up world nowadays.

So now on with the day. I wasn't feelin so hot the whole day. Grumpy and tired, (for some strange reason considering I actually slept thru the night for once) my tummy was hurtin and I had too much crap I needed to get done around the house. I started out flyin thru the house tearin into first one thing then another, feelin crappier as I went on. But dammit I was determined! When Guy and I finished talkin that morning before he had to get to work I was left with instructions to do two things that day... take it easy and to call the doctor and get two prescriptions refilled. Well, apparently I didn't do either one. I just can't seem to get it thru his thick head (knowing I'm gonna regret using those words) that when I'm feelin bad in the way I was then, sitting around and doing nothing doesn't make me feel any better! (growlin) Going on with my day makes the day go faster and keeps my mind off of whatever it is that's bothering me. Makes sense to me!! Does it to him? Hell no! Well, come late afternoon by the time he called I had everything done I wanted to get done around here and hadn't called the doctor. No big deal... the prescriptions wasn't something urgent. Well, I was in a snit and he was ready to tear into me but, according to him he "gave pause cause I was feeling low".

Now here's where bad turned to worse. My roommate got in from work and she needed me to go with her to help her find a place that she needed to go to for work later on in the week. Didn't seem like a big deal to me. All I did was drive. Don't see how that was gonna make me feel any worse. And mind you, it didn't! Well, lemme tell ya, it was a big deal to him! When I got home I immediately started getting the scolding that would leave the hair on your neck standin straight up. He was of course upset that I, according to him, "tore out of the house" after feeling like crap all day, not taking it easy like he insisted that I do and not calling for my refills on my meds. Well now, group 'em all together like that and hmmm, he just might have something to be a little upset about I guess. But ya know, like I said to him last night. "Why didn't you scold me for those other things at the time then?" Well, according to him he did... some. Well, I wonder where the hell I was cause I sure missed it apparently. That's when he said he gave pause cause I was feelin low. Honestly, he didn't seem all that upset about the other things until I added going out on top of 'em.

Yes, I know I can be kinda dense sometimes when it comes to seeing what I've done wrong and I got all in a snit about it and threw a slight fit when he was going to make me go to bed at 9:30. I honestly wanted to get this worked out before going to bed but, as I told him... "I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.. or not see eye to eye on it or whatever". Sometimes I think I forget... maybe choose to... that he has the final say and what he says goes. I give/gave him that... cause that's what we both want... it's what works for us. It's what makes things easier for us.

So why am I bitchin, right? I'll be damned if I know. I guess cause I was/am confused. He says I was argumentative. Me? Argumentative? HA! Never! OK, so maybe never is a really long time. I was honestly feelin bad/sad that I had upset him so, unintentionally. I just couldn't/can't understand why he got so upset over me going out. But that's his prerogative and I accept that whether I want to or not. Again, so why am I bitchin? (shruggin) Cause I can I guess. And I know I am just rambling. (growlin) Hey, I said this was gonna be rambling and grumbling... wasn't kiddin was I?

Nothing really got resolved before going to bed. Well, not in my mind. He said... today's done, we're puttin it to bed, don't be upset anymore. (shakin my head) Now I really and truly believe he has the ability to do that.... but ya know what... I don't! Dammit! And I hate that I don't!!! I had upset him... for whatever his reasons were that I didn't agree with. So I had to go to bed in a snit. And guess what... yep, I'm still in a snit. Damn, I hate when that happens.

Today shall be interesting I think. (sighs)