Wednesday, December 20, 2006

no i won’t

in the fraction of a second

from the time i fell until

the time my poor head hit(ted)

and all consciousness was gone

in perilous sweet succession

i flashed, i love…


i figure i won't be doing

what i planned

and if wake up

i won't put off another

day of whowhatforever i love…


Friday, December 15, 2006

Where Have I been?

I’m not even sure I know. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride for the past... hmmm, I guess it’s been almost two months now. Time flies even when you’re not having fun it seems.
What started out as going north to take Mother for a simple eye surgery back in October turned out to be way much more than that. The morning she was to have her surgery she woke with a fever and severe stomach pain. We ended up in the ER instead of eye surgery clinic. There we stayed for a week. She was discharged on Friday and I (maybe she did too) came home from the hospital with the freaking stomach flu. (Much thanks to the folks at the hospital for that!) I bounced back quickly... Mama was a different story. She was back in the hospital come Tuesday morning... may have been Monday morning... I’m not sure I even know at this point.

After nearly another week in the hospital again I got her home the second time and nursed back to health to where I thought she could be left on her own and I headed back south. I wasn’t even home a full 24 hours and she was taken back to the ER. She wasn’t admitted, but this still meant I was headed north again, this time to move things forward quickly to get her moved down south. In a matter of a week to a week and a half I had her house cleaned out of everything she wasn’t bringing south, got her house on the market for not even a full 24 hours before it was sold. The second week my brother came in and helped with the big stuff that I couldn’t get cleared out on my own. In a few days he was there and gone with her back down south. She had left her home of over 30 years for the last time. I had to stay behind for a few days to wrap some little things up with the realtor and such.

It was all becoming so final way too fast. The realtor was there Saturday morning taking pictures and what not. By Saturday afternoon the “for sale” went up in the front yard... the lock box was on the front door and my head was left spinning. Reality smacked me upside the head. No matter how much you think you’re prepared for something like that you’re really not! I’ll get to see my childhood home one more time, that’s it. There are so many memories there... good and bad. It’s the place I nursed my father while he was terminally ill; it’s the place where he passed away; it’s the place I had to nurse my mother back to health for a year after he passed away. The good memories outnumber the bad ones by far though. Even the bad ones aren’t regrets, rather something I’m thankful I did.

By Saturday night the realtor called and said they had someone very interested in seeing it and asked if I could be there to tell them what could be sold with the house. They came Sunday morning and by Sunday night we had full asking price and cash at closing. One major worry out of the way... mostly. We still can’t relax until those papers are signed on closing day.

My brother and mama had arrived at his house the Friday before the house sold, by Monday she was back in the hospital now awaiting surgery. Now her place up north is sold, her place here isn’t finished, she’s in the hospital at my brother’s... still 4 hours away from me, she’s awaiting surgery that’s probably going to take place about the time we’re suppose to close on her house. The good news is when her place is finally finished she will only be a couple minutes away from me. That makes me very happy!

The day after Thanksgiving I had to have my precious cat put to sleep... not much over a month after my dog. The day I was on my way back home from my mama's (the first trip up there) the Pessimist called me and said I needed to hurry home... that there was something wrong with her. Apparently she had had a seizure. It’s all still a mystery really. They did blood work when I got her to the vets and now she was in kidney failure. For two weeks we did everything we could; home fluid treatments daily for a week, then every other day for another week. She had become lame after the seizure too, seeming to be in much pain... so I was having to force pain medication down her mouth three times a day... antibiotics twice a day... kidney medicine three times a day... not to mention the fluid treatments that involved sticking a needle in the back of her neck... all of this in a cat that was feeling like crap and didn’t even want to be touched lovingly let alone the way I was having to. I struggled daily as to whether I was doing the right thing, but the vet kept telling me there was a chance she could come out of it... so of course I had to try. Two weeks was long enough... it was only torture for her and I both. The final straw was when I took her back for her weekly visit and the blood work revealed the kidney failure was worsening. My decision was made... the humane decision. So now we’ve went from three pets to one... the one left being the same age as the other two. Yes, the past two months have been nothing else but pretty much sad, but here I am forging right along, as we all must do, right?

So, where am I going from here? Heck if I know. This is where we have to take it day by day I suppose. That’s hard. Not to mention the holidays coming up. Dare I say Bah Humbug?

On the brighter side of things... I did get to spend some quality time with Guy while I was there. In spite of all the chaos and sadness... there he was. That part was nothing short of pure wonderful.

So that’s where I’ve been and what’s been going on. There hasn’t been a dull moment, for sure... just wish I had better things to write about right now. We’ll prevail. We always do. Things always work out for the best in the end... somehow.

I hope everyone else has been well and are ready for the holidays. I should probably wish all Happy Holidays now because I just don’t know where I’m going to be from one minute to the next right now. So Happy Holidays to all.