I woke to dreary day in the south, but that's OK, I'm choosing, or trying very hard at least, not to let it make ME "dreary". I want a new daily outlook on life, no matter my circumstances here, and I'm pretty certain I have to give CeeCi
the credit for this. I've spent much of the past couple hours (yes, I should have been doing other things, but after I finished on her site I found that this was most important too) perusing much of her July posts.
See, I used to be this person that was always happy go lucky no matter my life's circumstances. Since my father passed away, or even became ill rather, I let that slip away. I had this revelation quite sometime ago even, but have chosen not to do anything about it. I've been too "weary". I'm still weary, maybe even wearier than ever, but that doesn't mean I can't try to make it better. Living with a pessimist doesn't help matters at ALL. My room mate sees nothing good in life at all. I was able to resist her way of thinking until my father became terminally ill, then I guess I gave in. Well dammit, I don't want to think like that anymore... I'm weary of it. I hide it well from those that surround me because that is just who I am. However, I let my mind succumb to it a lot anymore. No one knows but me, well Guy does, I know.
I know I have plenty to be weary about... my mother's illness, my life situation.. living with such a "downer" of a person, my sons glaucoma isn't under control at the moment, so that's a worry. The list could go on but there's really no point in it, so go on I shall not. My father wouldn't want me to continue feeling like this, nor does Guy think too highly of it. He senses much that I don't talk about ya know. He's so in tune to my words, or lack there of in some cases. I'm going to start thinking of the things that I am grateful of and vow to take on a more positive outlook, despite the pessimism that I live with. In short, I'm going to become that person I was before I let my father's illness and consequent death make me a bitter person inside. I lost a lot of my faith along the way somewhere. I am self-aware now, well I have been for quite sometime... the difference is now I choose to change it. I've more than likely picked a bad time of year to do this with the upcoming winter months. (Is there really a bad time to change your outlook on life though? Maybe I should have said a "difficult time" instead) Winter is my "blue" season. Combine the short days with a lack of daily sunshine equals "blue" for me. We get hardly any snow to speak of... the rare flurry or two, but lots of rain and a good bit of ice here.
Enough rambling for now I think. Time to get on with my day here. I may come back later and add to this if I feel the need. I think I'm going to start out my day with writing my feelings, (like I should have been doing all along) be it good or be it bad, be it spanking related or be it not spanking related.
One last note before I move along. My son starts driver education classes tomorrow. Fun fun, joy joy! NOT!! LOL! I've informed our whole town to head for the hills!
I'll share a cute joke that was passed along to me as well:
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little
girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling
children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and
the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not
going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"