Monday, October 30, 2006

Just An Update

Just so you know we've not fallen off the face of the earth... MY little one's stay up north has been extended... all our friends are in our hearts and prayers... please keep us in yours...

all our best... g

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thursday's ramblings

Edit: I had started writing this post last night, but blogger was being quite temperamental and it just wasn't worth the fight, so here I try again.

Man o man, did we ever have the most horrendous rains yesterday. I don't think it stopped at all during the daylight ours. It wa so foggy this morning. When I look out my back door I am always so fascinated by the fog... the way it lays behind my house. It was quite overcast until lunchtime then we had the most beauftiful afternoon. This first picture was from this morning. I took some more this afternoon when my dog and I went for a walk. And gee, was the singular form of dogs ever hard to write. I'm not sure I am ever going to get used to this. *sighs* It's just so different. My other dog is still so lost. It's like he doesn't even know how to go outside to the bathroom without her. It breaks my heart!

The rain we had yesterday was so fitting for the grief I was feeling. Mourning the loss of my beloved dog, and missing the heck out of my Dad on his birthday. I'm happy to say that as they day wore on I found my spirits lifting. That's not to say that some little thought of P hasn't cropped up and made me weep like a baby, but I've accepted that as part of the moving on process.

When I went to take S out this morning for our walk, I walked by the couch looking to see if P was awake. Will I ever stop doing that? Yeah, I know... eventually... then it will even happen from time to time. I can't believe I'm actually writing this without tears in my eyes or streaming down my face. I'm going to be just fine... I can actually say that today, and it feels good.

Thanks for your comforting comments; it was nice reading them today, and I didn't even cry!

As you can see I am totally fascinated by water on the subjects of my photos, and when put in black & white... Wow! This is a leaf on my Crepe Myrtle. S was romping around, chasing shadows of leaves falling beside me. (Yes, he is a very simple four legged fella) The hardest time I think I'm having with him without P around is getting him to go to the bathroom... go figure. He still acts like he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. She was such the leader; poor S just followed her every move.

The Pessimist and I are headed north Saturday to go to my mother's place. We'll be back Wednesday, so I'll be offline during that time. She's having eye surgery (again) Monday. I hope to get an abundance of fall pictures on the way and while I'm there. However, the weather is not supposed to be that great. Saturday is supposed to be chilly but sunny, so hopefully I can get the good pics on the drive there. There's a chance of snow there Monday!!! Ugh!!

Well, blogger is being temperamental again, so I give up on trying to upload anymore photos. Check out my Picasa Web Album if you want to see anymore. They'll be uploaded shortly I hope.

I don't think that I mentioned that B passed the written part of his driver education course with a 96. He just has to wait for the call to do the driving part of it now, but he has to have his complete neurological workup first. That happens next month. He goes to get his pressure checked in his eyes this afternoon. I pray his pressure is down. I have no idea what they're going to do if it's not.

Enough rambling for now folks. I hope everyone has a good day. ♥

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

An Empty Space & Happy Birthday

Ya know, it never ceases to amaze me how when something so traumatic happens life just... well, it just goes on. Laundry has to be done; dinner has to be made... just the little every day “life” things still has to go on.

Yesterday we had to have one of our dogs euthanized. One of the dogs I just had out on my walk with me Saturday morning. She was old, but yet so young. You would have never guessed she was ten years old, even on her worst days. She played and played then played some more. We’d been watching her go downhill for the past week, yet she just plowed right along. She enjoyed our walk so so much Saturday. Her and our other dog just romped and romped together. The house is so empty. I was just talking to Guy, telling him there are so many “not anymores”; no more bedtime and morning rituals, no more picking gobs of dog food up, no more sharing the couch, no more “touch me” nudges; so many “not anymores”. Our other dog is so lost. He doesn’t understand where his sister is; how come we left with her yet came back alone.

We’re all just beside ourselves. There’s too much “space” here now. She was a huge dog. The best dog we ever owned... so smart... too smart... so human it was scary.

I don’t think any of us have any tears left, but I’m sure there will be more, and more, and more, and more... even when we think there aren’t anymore.

Our baby girl is gone, yet life still has to go on.


Edit: I decided to go ahead and make this next bit a part of this post too. It just seemed fitting.

Warning: Very raw “stuff” follows. Read at your own risk! Those who don’t like it can just move on and take your freaking ideas on what I should post on OUR blog right back out the door with you. DO NOT F*** with me on this!!

Happy Birthday

On this day in 1938, hard to believe you would be 68. You didn’t know love until you met your would be wife. She then would give you the life you always dreamt of. She would give you her unconditional love that you never had as a child. Later she gave you your first child, a son that would love you unconditionally and in turn you would do the same. You finally knew what it was to be loved.

You didn’t have the “normal” childhood, you see. You didn’t have a stable home. You were shifted around from place to place. You were struck way too often by the hands that were supposed to love you.

Of your childhood you learned this is not the way to build a home; this was not the way to treat a child. You learned so much from your childhood. From an early age you learned how a child was supposed to be treated; not the way you and your sister were treated. A five year old wasn’t meant to be left at home to feed and change the diaper of a newborn baby girl while the parents were out getting drunk.

You saw how not to treat a woman; you now knew how to treat your wife, by not what you saw, but rather what you didn’t see. You were so much better than those people that were your “parents”. They weren’t a mother and a father; they didn’t deserve that title.

Three years later it was time to complete your family. You finally had your little girl. In your eyes now your family was complete. You had a wife to love that loved you back more and more with each passing day. You had a son that worshiped the ground you walked on; not because you were “dad”, but because you earned that. You had a little girl that loved her daddy more than life itself; not because you were “daddy”, but because you earned it.

You taught by example. You didn’t preach “do as I say”. You taught “do as I do”. You never knew what church was as a child or a young man. Not until you met your wife did you know there was another life out there. You chose this life over the one you knew. This is what you wanted for your family. Somehow through your messed up childhood you learned how to build a family; how to build a home. This just shows what an extraordinary man you were; to grow up the way you did, but to know that it wasn’t right; to know there was more.

You vowed to build a stable home for your children and your wife. You vowed they would never be struck by the hand that’s supposed to love them. You stood true to all your promises; all your vows. A hand was never laid upon them. You earned their respect as you vowed you would. You taught your children how be respectable human beings by being one yourself. You took your life as a child and used it to show your children what is right and what is wrong; to show your children how to love.

Today is your birthday, Daddy. I honor your life; I honor your memory. Next month will be three years since your passing. Three long years without my daddy, but I feel your presence every single moment; I feel you holding my hand.

I know you met P at heavens’ gates at 4:10 yesterday afternoon. I know you welcomed her with open arms. I know her bark was telling you she was home finally, and like you, no more was she suffering. You and P take care of each other, Daddy.

B says he’s wishing you Happy Birthday today too. He misses his grand dad.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

All my love,
Your little girl (for always)

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Saturday Morning Walk

I found all kinds of goodies out on my walk today. The sunshine ended up being quite warm as the day wore on. It was in the mid to up 70's by days end. The dogs and I had a nice long walk in the woods. It was peaceful and the dogs just had a grand old time.
I just can't get over the colors of the fall weeds. There was pink, red and purple... and some of the wildflowers out there were just beautiful. I have no idea what this whiteish flower/weed is, but it was awesome looking. (As always, click on the photo for a larger view) I even found some honeysuckle.
I uploaded 35 photos to my Picasa Web Album, but that didn't even begin to put a dent in the 218 photos that I took this morning. After that I went back inside and made potato soup for dinner. Yummy! The rest of the evening and night was spent just pretty much lollygagging around. A nice Saturday all in all.


Don't I live in the South? Last time I checked I did, so can some explain to me please why I woke up to a cold 35° this morning. It's only mid October for crying out loud! By Sunday it will be lows in the mid 50's again. Up and down, up and down; welcome to the South; apparently not the deep enough south!

Even though it was freezing this morning, the sky is absolutely beautiful with not a cloud in sight. If I didn't dread winter so bad I could enjoy this morning as the crisp, clear, flawless looking morning it is. It's only supposed to be a high of 66 today, which isn't too bad actually. After it warms up some I plan to take the camera and the dogs and go for a nice long walk in the woods. Hopefully I can get some good pictures. Unfortunately, to get any colorful leaf pictures I have to hop in the car and head north. We don't get enough rain here in the summertime to produce the gorgeous colors. We get the few like you've seen in the picutres, but you can't get a full blazing tree. At any rate, I'm looking forward to a long, peaceful walk in the woods... just me, my camera, and my dogs.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! ♥♥♥♥

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Just Stuff

I'm still here... just sittin in the background dealing with "stuff" that sometimes I think is getting the better of me. I've still been out a lot taking pictures, enjoying the gorgeous fall weather that is not long for this area. (The rain will set in soon) The temps have been ideal, except for this past weekend, which was miserable for the south. It was cold (to me) and rainy. Today was beautiful.

The Pessimist and I are going to venture out to this new State Park soon that we found out on one of our adventures. I'm looking forward to that actually. Just getting away with my camera in the warm sunshine.

As you can see, Guy and I changed our template. Nothing fancy. I just needed something to drown myself in, while it lasted anyway. I still have the hankering to do more. I just wanted something simple for now. That's my state of being right now... keep it simple.

Today I have dealt with two deaths in one day... one being my mother's former co-worker and good friend that had cancer. The other being my aunt's best friend that had a heart attack we presume... My sister in law having major surgery and my brother being a butt, not keeping me posted... dealing with some outrageous stuff concerning B. and his father. I admit I am a bit overwhelmed and not feeling real optimistic about things at the moment, but I will prevail, eventually... This I know, I always do; I don't know how, but I do.

"This too shall pass."